The Walking Wounded

I am just like the weather today, partly cloudy with a chance of rain. Or is partly sunny with a chance for darkness later in the day?

My body is a barometer of the weather; the head aches a wee bit when rain is approaching. The head aches and so does the shoulder, neck, elbow, ankle, wrist and other assorted body parts that have been broken or cut upon. I am an orthopedist dream.

In my youth, I was quite graceful and resilient; I think? I may have fallen but I knew how to do it correctly: not breaking anything and rising to my feet before anyone really noticed the crash. I was Mary Catherine Gallagher. Ta da!

As I got older, my ability to bounce back up began to wane. First I broke an ankle and then I broke my wrist. A few years later I blew a disc in my neck; and then another one. I tripped over my own feet in the driveway and shattered my elbow; that took four surgeries to fix. And then there was the shoulder.

Through these events I have gathered a collection of orthopedic devices: slings, boots, neck braces, back braces, something that looks like a 13" television to restrict shoulder movement, a walker, crutches and a mnemonic device that fits on my forearm and has a blood pressure type pump. I think it had some sort of physical therapy use?

As Halloween is approaching I have been thinking that I could put all of these slings and braces to good use. I'm going to wear all of this equipment and I could be "The Walking Wounded." I "could be"? I think I am.

I still insist on wearing high heels although my feet and ankles are fighting me on that. If they didn't make my calves look so darn good I might retreat to flats. But no, I shall wear those beautiful high heels I have collected and continue to make my entrance; tall and statuesque. My orthopedist gives me the obligatory cautions and suggests that I stay closer to the ground. He says that out loud and secretly he's planning his next trip to Bali with his fee from his frequent patient.

I think two more surgeries and I get a trip to Hawaii! I hate it when the sand gets into your cast.