Marriage?

I believe in marriage. I just don't believe everyone should be married. The ability to share a life, yet retain separateness is an art form. Some people can paint; some people can write; some people can sing; and then there are others that should not, under any circumstances, attempt this at home without the supervision of adults.

My parents were married 54 years before my father passed. During my lifetime I have witnessed some blessed marriages; marriages that survived in spite of themselves; and marriages that left deep wounds in the individuals that shared that domain. And then there are the marriages that ride the roller coaster of life, with all of the starts and stops; until they come to a peaceful rest - catching their breath and beginning another climb to the next plateau of life.

I have to admit that as a little girl I really did not have the visions of the expected wedding day. My dreams were consumed by travel and fame and arts and education. I dreamt of being a mother, but never being a wife. Believe me, I have explored this in depth, in therapy. I chose to be the friend, the lover, the guardian. I chose to be the long-time girlfriend, the liberal sister, the doting daughter, the caring niece and the wise and amusing aunt.

There are a half a dozen couples that have granted me the honor of officiating at their weddings (as a notary). It started as a request to assist in writing their vows and ended up with me delivering the vows. I took my assignment very seriously. How do I perform a marriage ceremony when I'm not even sure I believe in it? I studied holy scripture, romantic poems and prose; and, psychological dissertations on the union of marriage. Each ceremony was crafted to enhance the words given to me by the couples. Cherish; affection; laughter; security; hope. The descriptions of the relationship were as diverse as the couples themselves.

As I presented the first draft I always feared that it may sound as if I was preaching what I thought a marriage should be; and perhaps not at all what they had in mind. Each of the first drafts were tweaked with minor changes; and the vows stood.

I watch these couples and look for the vows in action. I watch these couples and hope that they are creating a masterpiece.

Each of these weddings had events that the superstitious believed were signs of failure to come: the bride that brought the groom's divorce decree instead of the marriage license; the ring that was tied too tight to the ceremonial pillow; the cat that walked down the aisle with the bride; and the torrential storm that opened over an outdoor wedding.

All is well. I was blessed to be part of their day.

I only wish I could find that wedding coordinator who told me to hold my stomach in before I entered the room; I still have a few words for her.