A Woman's Nation - Part Deux

A Woman's Nation: the story of my life. I read more of the Shriver Report last night. And then I sent it to all of my nieces and young women friends. Yesterday, I said it was "old news". It is old news to me, but a "must read" for women 45 and younger; and for their fathers, brothers, husbands and sons.

Maria Shriver opens her chapter with great affection and reverence to the achievements of her mother, Eunice Shriver. Eunice was a great role model for many women. It was often said that "had Eunice been a man, she would have been President." Eunice had the "luxury" of being "liberated" and took the responsibility of being a role model very seriously. It was appropriate for Shriver to laud her mother in the opening paragraphs of this report.

One of the driving forces of the report/study undertaking was the sentiment that women did not have "a place to connect". Between the lines, that reads as the lack of "a good ole boy club." I submit that this is true for the fact that in the early days of achieving success, many of us saw each other as the "enemy". Instead of finding our role as successful women, we took the role of "mini-men". We wanted to be accepted as "one of the boys" and believed there was a very finite space for "mini-men" at the table. Maybe that was because we didn't have access to team sports as we grew up; we were trained to compete for the attentions of men and that very much got in our way as we left the confines of our father's and husband's homes.

"They don't speak with one voice and they don't have just ONE issue." Well said.

During John F. Kennedy's presidency, he charted the Commission on the Status of Women. The purpose of the commission was to reveal how the nation could best achieve "practical equality" with men educationally, economically and politically. Practical equality? Practical: dealing realistically and sensibly with everyday activities; that is in practice whether or not in theory, belief, value or law. There was a disguised contempt is that treatise.

In the Commission's final report, released in 1963, Margaret Mead, co-editor, wrote, "The climate of opinion is turning against the idea that homemaking is the only form of feminine achievement." It was no longer practical.

Hence the "battle of the sexes" began. Those of us who were of age in the 70s took to the schools, the workplace and the political forums. We came with a different perspective, with different ideas, but were forced to assimilate into the men's accepted practices. We went undercover, waiting for the time we could truly speak our voice. Nearly fifty years later, we are still seeking "one voice". Can we achieve "one voice" when we have so many issues to address?

The Shriver Report provides findings on TEN issues: economy, government, immigrants, health, education, business, faith, media, men and marriage. All of these issues affect men as well, just in different ways.

Much attention is given to the "sandwich generation". The generation that is finding itself responsible, not only, for the caring of its children, but the the caring and support of aging parents. Look around and you will find that the duties of care taking are more often thrust upon the women. By choice or by necessity, women find themselves attending to the needs of the generations before them and following them; and the men with them. Agreed that there are many men who have stepped up to the plate to assist and provide. However, have you ever attended a caregivers support group? Mostly women.

In the report it says that the battle of the sexes is now "the negotiation between the sexes." That is a huge step and I agree that we do sit down at the table to discuss who will pay what bill, who will take the kids to school, who will address locating an appropriate facility for Mom when the time comes.

However, "we are all a bit disoriented", in this constantly changing landscape - economy, health care, climate change. Hence I return to the comment I made yesterday: these are not just women's issues, these are "people issues".

We are genetically coded to be aware of the "differences" in each other; it is some sort of survival mechanism. Isn't there some"code" we can use to to collectively find one voice? It is not women versus men; it is not black versus white versus brown versus yellow; it is not Christian versus Jew versus Muslim.

For all practical purposes - its us against ourselves. The change to acceptance is within. Can we find the "place on the porch" together?