The Magpie

(Claude Monet's The Magpie)

She awoke suddenly. Searching for her glasses, she realized her respite had turned into an afternoon nap. She found herself clutching the throw around her chin. It had turned much colder. Looking across the room she saw the curtain billowing about the open window.

As she pulled herself up from the chair, the book she was reading fell to the floor; frightening the cat from the ottoman. She went to close the window. The afternoon sun was dimming and the colors of dusk began to fall upon the snow covered lawn. She reached for the ancient sweater that she lived in during these cold, winter months. The sweater was once her Mother’s. Stretched and pulled, but still providing great warmth. It had a sweet smell to it, no matter how many times she laundered it. Perhaps it was the scent of almonds? She always pulled it close to her nose to breathe in its fragrance; it always smelled of almonds to her. She wondered why.

Drawing her arms to her chest, she stood silently, watching the shadows dance in the view before her. After a moment she took her now empty cup into the kitchen. Refilling the teapot, she was reminded of the winters of her youth. Days of sledding, snowball fights and hot chocolate waiting on the kitchen table. She remembers the whipped cream grabbing her nose; there was an endless supply of whipped cream. The winters these days were less active, more introspective and often spent alone.

That was her choice; the aloneness. She sought winter, not to hibernate, but, to rejuvenate. She would spend time among her books and her music that she stored for this very time. Time to collect herself and listen to her mind, body and soul. Like nature, she planned to re-emerge in the spring.

But now, she would breathe in the cold air and watch the twilight make an early entrance. She would stoke the fires in the hearth and wrap herself in the warmth of her cocoon. The coldness was outside her home; warm thoughts and memories surrounded her. Life is good.

Sanctuary

In a church, a temple or a mosque; on the mountain, by the river, in the forest, along the shore; we each find our sanctuary in different places. Sometimes we find sanctuary in each other. In the bright eyes of a child; the warm gesture of a friend; the intimate touch of our lover.

I often find myself contemplating my ideal sanctuary. I seek that special place where I can feel safe, secure and protected from my own negative self-talk. Those of us who spend our days plotting, planning, intellectualizing and rationalizing can too frequently get lost in the maze; the maze of earthly concerns and material wants. Our spirit is best fed by the poetry of nature: the crispness of the morning air; the scent of the blossoming flower; the song of the meandering river; and the strength of the giant oak. In nature, I remember my purpose. I must learn to see not only with my eyes, but with my spirit as well.


In nature, we learn the cycle of life. There is a clarity that we can not find in man-made doctrine. We tend to seek stability in our lives; stability means stagnation. The "answers" we seek come to us in abstraction; unsettling and mysterious. This mystery is the source of all true art and science; or so said Albert Einstein. This mystery is the source of our faith that feeds our spirit.

In those moments of clarity, among the splendor of nature we are inspired; we are forgiven; we are renewed. We can accept that success and failure are man-made measures. We believe that there is little difference between your faith and mine, but the man-made trappings of religion. We find the unity we seek in sanctuary.

To sit and watch an animal, a flower, the tree, we can recognize the dignity, the innocence, the holiness of nature. All working in unison, at different paces, to create this sanctuary and abide by the cycle of life.

The lesson we should take from this is that all of mankind is a mix of "people becoming"; all at different paces. We are all at different stages of our spiritual evolution. Those at the "same stage" choose to practice similar beliefs. We are all on different paths; not one right or one wrong. It is the search for sanctuary and enlightenment.

Shove the Shoulds

I am pensive today. It's not a bad thing, just a little disruptive. Those old "tapes" are playing in my head: "you should do this"; "you should do that"; "you shouldn't go there." Shove the SHOULDS!

That was my mantra for many years - shove the shoulds. Then I realized that I was just giving it lip service. As long as I held my life up to comparison with others I was given in to what "should be". As long as I tried to meet the expectations of others I was given in to what I "should do." Is free will predestined? Am I going about self-exploration as it "should be"? I'm getting a headache.

The concept of self-actualization is based upon becoming what "I am". The rub lies in reconciling what I have been told to believe and what I feel. I feel I need to be emotionally selfish. I feel I need to give myself more attention. I feel I am over-extended in my commitments to others. I feel that those "feelings" are a bad thing. Someone must have told me that.

In the efforts and struggles to become comfortable in our skin, we look to others for example. Those examples are merely suggestions, not blueprint. Those examples are not "shoulds", those examples are possibilities. I must make the choice or I will stagnate and wither. Some of us find answers more quickly than others. Some of our questions are more difficult to answer. Some of us calculate our destiny while others simple "live the day".

I think "living" is good suggestion. Take it as it comes. Play it as it lays. One day at a time. Stop and smell the roses. Do one thing at a time. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. I will be there when I get to where I am going. No where to go and all day to get there. Baby steps. The Power of Now. Perhaps cliches, but scribed for a reason.

In his book, Stillness Speaks, Eckhart Tolle suggests that most people's lives are run by two things: desire and fear. "Desire is the need to add something to yourself in order to be yourself more fully. All fear is the fear of losing something and thereby becoming diminished and being less." To remove desire and fear in our lives we must relinquish judgement - good and bad. It just "is".

Mammy Yokum was right: "I am what I am and I am nos more."

Your Karma is Interferring with my Qi

Remember the second "Ghostbusters'" film? The one where the river of pink slime ran through the underground tunnels of New York City? The pink slime that emitted bad vibes, bad karma, bad Qi (Chi)? Remember how contagious that dark mood became? Well, I think it was in the grocery store last night.

I had to run up for a few items and to pick up a prescription. I could feel that something was unsettled when I parked the car. It wasn't yet nightfall, but there was a darkness over the store; perhaps it was the pending rain that eventually came our way. I didn't find a single smile in the store. I found frustration, impatience, anger and even despair as one young man approached me for a few dollars. There was a sadness and it stuck to me.

When I got home, my sister asked me what was wrong. It was apparent. My energy was zapped while picking up some milk, fruit and muffins. I retreated to my space to recover. The negative energy had drained me. After an hour of breathing and and re-focusing, I was re-centered.

I began contemplating the concepts of Qi (Chi) and karma. Did everyone in there have bad karma? Or did one person have bad karma that infiltrated the Qi?

Qi (Chi) is translated literally as "air" or "breath". It is the "energy flow"; the force. Karma is the law of moral causation; literally: action or doing. It is believed that the differences in our lives is a product of past lives - previous actions - creating accumulated karmic tendencies. Any kind of intentional action - thought, word or deed - is regarded as karma. Is karma and Qi a philosophical/theological paradox like the "chicken or the egg"?

If Qi (Chi) is the life breath that animates all living beings, does it arise from matter or does matter arise from Qi (Chi)?

I believe that we function as "one". Your actions and thoughts affect me. Mine, affect you. We are connected. We cannot escape that connection. That, I believe is the "Plan".

It began raining late last night. It is still raining; a steady, hard rain. The rain was needed to cleanse the Qi (Chi). I feel much better.

May the force be with you.

Spark of Faith

Senator Ted Kennedy's funeral is about to begin. The bells of the Basilica are ringing. I am reminded of the song "Three Bells". The chapel bells ring for Johnny Brown's birth; again for his marriage; and again for his death. Continuity; as it should be; not always as it is.

More of us than not, begin our physical lives in a hospital; and in most instances, end our physcial lives there as well. In our spiritual life we come of age in the Church and return there at the end.

And the cycle continues.

In these "celebrations of life" that the living carry out for the dead, it is the physical life that is commemorated. As the life is returned to the Church, shouldn't the celebration commemorate the spirit?

The spirit in all of it's glory; warts and all? For it is that story that the true character is exposed. The failings that are corrected; the acts of kindness that are revealed; the somber moments of failed faith and the consequences that ensue. The spark of the soul is like that of a fire. It may sometimes burn brightly and if not tended may reduce to mere embers; but with the grace of God and the acts of humanity, the fire is stoked and the spirit returns to the glow of faith.

As we connect with each other in our lifetimes, we share the spark of divinity; it is transferred in those moments of friendship, compassion and consolation. We share it through a tender touch, a wink of the eye and in the words of reprimand. It is together that the flame of faith ignites our souls. The flame burns most brightly in the face of forgiveness. Forgiveness of others, but more importantly forgiveness of self.

Before we make that last trip to the Church we must ready ourselves and set our souls free through forgiveness of self. As in life, it is the "brightest" that finds the glory in the Kingdom beyond.

Shine on.