Shove the Shoulds

I am pensive today. It's not a bad thing, just a little disruptive. Those old "tapes" are playing in my head: "you should do this"; "you should do that"; "you shouldn't go there." Shove the SHOULDS!

That was my mantra for many years - shove the shoulds. Then I realized that I was just giving it lip service. As long as I held my life up to comparison with others I was given in to what "should be". As long as I tried to meet the expectations of others I was given in to what I "should do." Is free will predestined? Am I going about self-exploration as it "should be"? I'm getting a headache.

The concept of self-actualization is based upon becoming what "I am". The rub lies in reconciling what I have been told to believe and what I feel. I feel I need to be emotionally selfish. I feel I need to give myself more attention. I feel I am over-extended in my commitments to others. I feel that those "feelings" are a bad thing. Someone must have told me that.

In the efforts and struggles to become comfortable in our skin, we look to others for example. Those examples are merely suggestions, not blueprint. Those examples are not "shoulds", those examples are possibilities. I must make the choice or I will stagnate and wither. Some of us find answers more quickly than others. Some of our questions are more difficult to answer. Some of us calculate our destiny while others simple "live the day".

I think "living" is good suggestion. Take it as it comes. Play it as it lays. One day at a time. Stop and smell the roses. Do one thing at a time. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. I will be there when I get to where I am going. No where to go and all day to get there. Baby steps. The Power of Now. Perhaps cliches, but scribed for a reason.

In his book, Stillness Speaks, Eckhart Tolle suggests that most people's lives are run by two things: desire and fear. "Desire is the need to add something to yourself in order to be yourself more fully. All fear is the fear of losing something and thereby becoming diminished and being less." To remove desire and fear in our lives we must relinquish judgement - good and bad. It just "is".

Mammy Yokum was right: "I am what I am and I am nos more."

Rescue the Day

There are days where I find the day is "fighting back" at me. You know that kind of day? The days that nothing seems to go as planned and the alternatives are not to your liking. You begin swatting at the inconveniences of the day as though they were gnats. Before you know it, you're feeling unsettled and uncentered. Tired. That's when I take a deep breath and go to "the safe place".

In my mind's eye I find myself in a calming environment for as long as it takes me to brush off the day's angst. My place is in the woods by a river. The river let's off it's frustration as it flows heavily over the rocks. It is a sound of accomplishment.

The air is crisp and clean; with a coolness that envigorates.I am sitting in a small cottage; in an oversized chaise; looking out upon the woods through a huge open window. From this vantage point I can see glimpses of the river through the trees surrounding the cottage. The trees are competing for sunlight and you can hear the gentle russeling of the leaves as they move into position. Occasionaly, rays of sunlight pass through and reveal the floor of the wooded area; thick with moss. Above the sounds of the river you can hear the birds twittering.I can smell the fragrant wildflowers mixed with the comfort of a wood burning fire crackling before me. I have Mozart playing my soundtrack for the escape. This oversized chaise envelops me and my cats nestle on my lap with a soothing purr. I can smell the gentle aroma of berries combined with the fresh, clean scent of dirt coming from my glass of red wine. Just the smell can intoxicate.

Surrounding me are many stacks of books and the walls are full of art. I have all I need in this "safe place". I can stay as long as I need to recenter myself. In this place I feel a gentle embrace around me and know I am loved. My spirit returns to a bright glow and I am at peace.

The day has been rescued.