Deviance is in the eye of the beholder. . .

The news cycle, this morning, covered a little boy who refuses to stand for the Pledge of Allegiance in his Arkansas grade school class. The 10 year-old, fifth-grader, Will Phillips said that after a week-end of "analyzing" the pledge he found it "not to be true." Sitting with his father, in a CNN interview, and wearing a tee-shirt with the the slogan "Nerds 2[squared](4) Ever" he further explained that while the pledge cites "liberty and justice for all", ". . .it is simply not true." "Gay and lesbians are discriminated against and there is still lots of racism in this country." "Liberty and justice does not apply to all."

Solid reasoning for a ten-year-old; solid reasoning for anyone of any age. What disturbed me about the interview was not young Will's behavior, but Will's father calling his son's action "acceptable delinquency". Delinquency? The Constitution gives Will the right to remain seated during the Pledge; so what's with the reference to "delinquency"? Outspoken, yes; precocious, maybe; delinquent? I don't think so. I am continually amazed at the negative reaction that a word will evoke. Such a label will stigmatized and is likely to promote negative attention.

I am reminded of an essay I wrote in middle school - "My Deviant Family'. I wrote about the eccentric and sometimes outlandish behavior and opinions of family members; artists; protesters of social injustice; a few hippies. I brought my "A" paper home to show my parents. My mother was appalled; my father chuckled. Mom began ranting and raving at me, "what was I thinking; didn't I know that the word deviant meant bad things?"

It didn't. I used the word deviant in the purest form of the definition: departing from the usual or accepted social standards and norms; violation of social norms. I tried to reason with her that deviant behavior was a perception of something different from what was generally practiced. Perhaps I was, too, precocious.

People define different things in different ways. Deviance, like delinquency, is not necessarily "criminal" or bad behavior. Your view of deviance is just something that does not follow your point of view. There are admirable forms of deviation; in fact some behaviors are publicly evaluated in a superior sense.

I am in no way condoning bad or criminal behavior. I am pointing out how we can do great injustices by labeling a person with a word of negative connotation. We also must be cognizant that word connotation differs among us. Deviance is in the eye of the beholder.

Stop!

Stop! ". . .in the name of love." Stop! "Don't stop thinking about tomorrow." Stop! "You got to stop and get a ticket."

Stop smoking. Stop talking. Stop chewing gum. Stop yelling. Stop drinking. Stop rationalizing. Stop crying. Stop swearing. Stop whining. Stop eating. Stop smothering me. Stop calling. Stop IT! Stop and put your pencils down.

The power of the word "stop" can be life changing. The command, coming from a parent, teacher, boss or loved one can be devastating. Stop being who you are and BE what I want you to be. The word is the only perceived control we may have over the people in our lives and our situations. The word does not always work to "stop" the behavior, but often increases the desire to persist in the behavior. Why is that?

Don't tell me what to do! You don't know why I do that! You don't understand! You don't know what I'm trying to do! Is there any other word that creates so much negativity? Such adversity? Such an impact on self-esteem?

Don't you think we should just STOP the madness? Let's START tolerance, communication and understanding.